Saving the Holiday

I heard the infernal clack, clack, clack
of hooves on the roof. Still groggy
with rum and Ambien,
I stumbled to the living room
to find him there, a fat red man like
a million and a half leeches rolled into one,
surrounded by his minions
with their pale green skin
and so many teeth.
I watched with suspicion
as they tugged on something
stuck in the chimney.

A sack bulging with who knew what
unwholesome contents tumbled down.
Then he turned those undying eyes
on me, his cheeks still flushed,
his belly distended
from his most recent
hideous feast;

and I didn’t know why
the creature chose me
from the maggoty mass of mankind
for this visitation,
but I had to think
of the children,

and if you’re ever in similar
circumstances you should know:
a stake of holly through the heart
works just as well.

-- Carl Bettis

[Incorporates snippets from Varney the Vampire by Thomas Preskett Prest, The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus by L. Frank Baum and “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens.]